Backhanding

It occurs to me only now that when people say things like...

"This is one of the funniest things I've read on the internet."
or
"I've never read anything on the internet that moved me so much."
or
"You're one of the best blog writers I've come across."

...it's really kind of a backhanded compliment. It's the "on the internet" caveat that gets me. I'm good, but I'm not Vegas good. I’m bush-league, see? I guess that having an eye for these kinds of compliments takes time.

Not sure what I’m talking about? Here, I’ll give you some examples to look for in your own life:

“I love your new haircut, it really takes the emphasis off of your chins.”

“Are those new pants? They’re fabulous! I had a pair like that in high school and I loved them.”

“This car is great. I bet it gets good gas mileage.”

“Your husband sure is swell. Do you cut his hair?”

“I really like your wife, she’s not all hung up on her appearance.”

“I think that guy Rob likes you. He’s never really been into breasts.”

“Your new girlfriend couldn’t be sweeter. It’s so refreshing to be able to relate to someone from her generation.”

“I always know I can call you if I need to talk. You’re always there for me. You’re always available. I don't think I've ever gotten a busy signal when I've tried to call.”

“I’ve never seen a white guy that can dance like you.”

“The boss always says that if there’s a problem, we should come and see you.”

“Not everyone can get away with wearing that much makeup.”

“Are you wearing Old Spice? I love that smell. My dad wore that til the day he died.”

“I like that you’re not afraid to show your feminine side. Most guys always try to act so strong and protective around me.”

“Why, yer the purdiest gal in Hog Gobbler County!”

Just be on the lookout. Not everyone is your friend. Especially if you're stupid.

Comments

[teahouseblossom]

What about, "I like your apartment. Obviously you're not into the material things in life, are you?"

And at least the guy's dad uses Old Spice, and not Hai Karate.

[jw]

"You're so smart. It's hard to believe you can't get a better job."

[leo]

I might just be too sleepy, but how is “The boss always says that if there’s a problem, we should come and see you” a backhanded complement?

[cw]

Leo, some people are the cause of and some people are the solution to. Most people just don't know the difference.

See, you never know when you are being slapped in the face.

[Chippy]

CW, I just love your style. You're so unique!

[HeSaid]

If you wrote a book, I'd buy it.

[Theresa]

you're so funny. you could write for leno.

[Sarah]

"the sooner you stop giving a shit about what people think about you, the better off you're going to be."

the internet happens to be your medium. the fact that the internet is a big fucking medium (GLOBAL) doesn't mean dick to you? come on man.. it's not our fault that you neglect your book deals and don't write the next bible, we're all waiting.. if you'd get on it, then we could say.. yeah.. it's the best BOOK i've ever read.

jeez..
ya knob..
;)

[snowy]

“This car is great. I bet it gets good gas mileage.”

this one doesn't seem all that offensive. but then again, i'm a girl and a girl who's really practical about things like gas mileage.

[dan]

I've been hearing occasionally how much better I look now that I shaved my head. Can't tell you how it boosts my self esteem to know that previously I was an embarassment to myself. I also am very uncomfortable with the word "cute." DiCaprio cute? Fuzzy bunny cute? Pathetic sophomore cute? I hear the same word applied to a purse and to Jude Law. I need clarity - not only can I fail to notice a subtle insult, but I can totally misunderstand an ambiguous compliment.

[cj]

so, i got chatting with some work people about back-handed compliments..and the fattest girl in the office comes walking by, interupts our discussion with the statement, "i hate when people say i have a pretty face.. I know what they're getting at" and just kept walking on..
the 4 of us looked at each other with that jaw-fallen expression of shock..

[Erin Lady Byrne]

I like Old Spice.

[harriene79]

Freudian slip. I am a pessimist so I don't think I'll ever consider those as compliments. ;)

[julia]

dude, without our IM transcripts, where would we get our material?

sincerely,

julia
[whose writing, "while good, is web good"]

[Almost Lucid (Brad)]

Yeah, I see your point, but I think you have to take into consideration that our reading today doesn't happen in books like it used to. Plus, you're free.

Would you feel better if I said, "This is the funniest thing I've ever read for free, while eating a hot pocket at my desk at work." ? Because that's the God's honest truth, CW.

Oh, and a lot of people are full of shit too, but that doesn't mean they don't want you to make them laugh. ;)

[Scott-san]

You get a lot of those, don't you? Is it better to field back-handed compliments, or get no comments at all?

[IA]

I don't think you're that good at all.

[Jager]

How about, "you really like that shirt, don't you?"
Maybe time to stop wearing said shirt so often. :-)

[styro]

Get published somewhere real and maybe we'll stop giving you backhanded compliments, quitter. :)

WITH LOVE, I SAY IT WITH LOVE.

[frstlymil]

Take the note. You're hilarious. Doesn't matter the medium, what matters is that you make a few people - possibly a whole bunch who lurk but don't comment - laugh. Personally, I'm grateful for every time I've spit up my coffee in my cubicle after reading one of your entries. You saved me from putting out my own eyes with a pencil. And should you decide to publish an anthology of your best pearls, I'll happily buy it and tell others.

[EV]

Oh wow, you have lost SO much weight! That's my favorite.

[JJ]

Did I misread? I didn't think you were fishing for compliments, but rather segueing (sp?) to the backhanded thing.

I also like the similar genre of could-go-either-way comments:
You got a haircut!
Is that a new shirt?
Oh, hey, orange!
Where did you get that?
That's a bold skirt!

[s1rGr1nG0]

I have never laughed so much in the 8 months I've been in Kuwait. Now, keep it up until January and I'm good to go!

[Stu]

This is great writing, great for tthe web at least. You are definately cool enough to sit at my lunch table.

[ripple]

Hahahaha))))))you certainly make me laugh! So you make Chinese laugh too! Hahaha)))) This is the best gift I can ever have on mid-fall festival. ^________^